The Advice from My Dad Which Helped Me as a New Parent

"In my view I was merely trying to survive for the first year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the challenges of being a father.

However the actual experience rapidly became "very different" to his expectations.

Serious health complications during the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into becoming her main carer while also caring for their infant son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every nappy change… every stroll. The duty of both parents," Ryan explained.

After 11 months he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his own dad, on a public seat, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct phrases "You're not in a good spot. You must get support. How can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and start recovering.

His experience is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now more comfortable addressing the stress on mums and about PND, less is said about the challenges new fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan believes his difficulties are part of a broader inability to open up between men, who still absorb harmful ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall every time."

"It is not a show of being weak to ask for help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - especially in preference to a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental well-being is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the space to request a pause - spending a few days abroad, away from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He came to see he had to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the practical tasks of looking after a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she was yearning" -physical connection and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has changed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to better grasp the expression of emotional life and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen did not have stable male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, long-standing trauma resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "bad decisions" when younger to change how he felt, finding solace in alcohol and substances as a way out from the pain.

"You find your way to behaviours that don't help," he explains. "They might short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Tips for Coping as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling swamped, confide in a family member, your other half or a therapist how you're feeling. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the pursuits that helped you to feel like yourself before having a baby. It could be playing sport, socialising or playing video games.
• Look after the physical stuff - nutritious food, getting some exercise and if you can, sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is faring.
• Meet other first-time fathers - listening to their journeys, the difficult parts, and also the good ones, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that seeking help isn't failing - prioritising your own well-being is the best way you can support your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the loss, having been out of touch with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead offer the safety and nurturing he lacked.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the emotions constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men because they acknowledged their pain, transformed how they express themselves, and learned to regulate themselves for their children.

"I'm better… sitting with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I said, sometimes I feel like my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding as much as you are through this experience."