Evening Comics Lampoon Trump's New 'Gold Card' Residency Program

TV's top entertainers spent the evening ridiculing former President Donald Trump's just announced immigration initiative, dubbed the "golden visa," describing it as a clear pay-for-access scheme for the affluent.

Stephen Colbert's Witty Spin

Opening his broadcast, Stephen Colbert presented a mock holiday song about the commander-in-chief. "He's compiling a list, checking it twice, before giving that list to the officials at ICE," he intoned. "Trump ... ruins all he comes into contact with."

The subject was the controversial plan that enables foreign individuals to purchase U.S. residency for an investment of one million dollars, with a "platinum" option for 5 million. A government website promises approval "faster than ever."

"A brief message here to rich applicants: before you pay, have you considered Canada?" Colbert joked.

He explained that the scheme is also meant to "squeeze cash" from businesses looking to hire skilled workers, involving significant payments. "That's a lot of fees, however if you register, you additionally get a complimentary stay at a hotel of your choice – provided that it's the that one hotel," he said.

"The most thorough background check the U.S. government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these individuals absolutely meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert responded. "Question one: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Roast

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"Here's a card that will let affluent international individuals to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get official visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your choice."

"Perhaps it's time to change that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your huddled masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel teased the simplicity of the form, saying it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Exactly, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "That's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Affordability Issues

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's declining poll numbers amid economic worries. "People gave Donald Trump a second term since they were upset about the economy," he noted.

Recently, in a bid to address affordability, Trump held a briefing in front of a display of grocery items, where he reacted peculiarly to boxes of cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a while."

"He is so fucking weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by targeting right-leaning news arguments of Trump's financial performance. "Perhaps instead of complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy like what FIFA did," he joked.